


secret for the mad

by riveatstoes



Series: south park/dodie clark [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Based on a dodie Song, Cheating, F/M, M/M, Song fic, Title from a Dodie Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24808831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riveatstoes/pseuds/riveatstoes
Summary: Stan and Kyle have been dating for years, and as far as they’re concerned, they’re happy. But one mistake can lead to a chain of...unfortunate events.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Heidi Turner, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Series: south park/dodie clark [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727422
Kudos: 10





	secret for the mad

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this one definitely isn’t as good as the last one, but that’s mostly due to the fact that I ran out of motivation for it, like, halfway through and wanted to get it over with so I could move on to the last part, which is Creek-centric!!

_i’ve got a secret for the mad.  
in a little bit of time,  
it won’t hurt so bad.  
and i get that i don’t get it.  
but you will burn right now,  
but then you won’t regret it._

Kyle and I first got together during sophomore year. We had been friends for years, and I kind of suspected that he liked me the way I liked him. That was confirmed when he officially asked me out. Today is August 27th, 2025, and we’ve been dating for roughly eight years; the best eight years of my life, if you were to ask me.

In 2020, we started a YouTube channel. I was the one out of us to use it most of the time, but he contributed to it too. It was mostly me singing old songs that I wrote for my fourth grade band, Crimson Dawn, that I found in my old bedroom when I moved out. But I changed some of the lyrics and the way they were sung so that they’d be calmer and I could play them on my ukulele.

I learned to play calmer instruments, thanks to Kyle helping me calm my negative energy. I knew how to play the piano and the ukulele, and my singing wasn’t too bad. Not to brag, but my 2.2 million subscribers could tell you that.

_you’re not gonna believe a word i say.  
what’s the point in just drowning  
another day?  
and i get that i don’t get it.  
but the world will show you that  
you won’t regret it._

“Hey, dudes!” I said excitedly one day while in a video chat with Eric and Kenny. I hadn’t seen them since Kyle and I moved a few towns over.

Kenny had the biggest, goofiest smile on his face from the second the call began. It didn’t go away after he responded with a ‘hi’ either. Eric, who was eating out of a bag of potato chips as we spoke, replied with a half-angry ‘hey.’ In short, they both were acting suspiciously different.

“Why are you so happy, Ken?” I asked, curious. Still smiling, he held up a nice bouquet of flowers that were sitting in a gorgeous vase. I could only assume Butters had gotten them for him. They were both huge dorks.

“I got home from work early,” He explained, “and I saw Leo putting these in the vase. He was arranging them and everything, trying to make sure they looked nice. He bought them because they reminded him of me. It was so fucking adorable.”

Eric rolled his eyes, “That’s gay, dude.”

“You’re gay.”

“No I’m not.”

_little things, all the stereotypes,  
they’re gonna help you get through  
this one night.  
and there will be a day when  
you can say you’re okay and mean it._

“Oh, that’s right,” Kenny said, “you’re stringing along poor Heidi Turner again. She really thought you changed and you took advantage of that. So, no, you’re not gay. You’re just an asshole.”

“...” his eyes narrowed, “Shut up, Kenny.”

I sighed, “Can we please stay on-topic here? With no fighting? I just want to talk to you guys again. It’s been so long!”

“I know,” Kenny replied, seeming sadder now. “But let’s not focus on that! Where’s Kyle?”

“Yeah, where’s Kahl?”

“He’s working overtime at the gas station today, trying to save up for some things we need right now. I wish he was here, actually. I miss him, to be honest…”

Cartman held up his index finger, signaling for us to wait a second. He wrote something down on a piece of paper. Then, he showed it to us. It said ‘That’s Gay’ with the ‘g’ written backwards. I groaned, muttering a ‘fuck you’ under my breath.

“Anyways,” I changed the subject, “where’s Butters, Kenny?”

“He’s taking a nap. Actually, he’s right behind me right now. It’s super cute.”

Eric fake yawned.

“Alright then, how’s Heidi doing, huh? What’s she doing? Crying in the bathroom because you’re such an asshole?”

“She’s hanging out at a friend’s.”

“Mhm.”

_i promise you:  
it’ll all make sense again.  
i promise you:  
it’ll all make sense again._

The conversation went on that way, us making stupid comments at each other and the rest stemming from there. It lasted at least an hour, which was somewhat of a record for us.

I was glad to have been able to reconnect with my friends. We’d have to do another call soon with Kyle. That would make it a lot more interesting.

The next day, I went out to pick up a few things from the store, telling Kyle I’d be back in about an hour. I wasn’t the best at finding things, so it might even be two. Luckily for me, though, the few things I needed were easier to find than I thought they would be.

When I got home, I was hit with a wave of happiness. This is everything I wanted. A decent house, a somewhat stable career, and a wonderful boyfriend. I dared to say that this was perfect.

I didn’t bother with the ‘I’m home!’ stuff, but instead just put everything away and then headed towards the bedroom. I was tired and wanted to lay down for a while. Plus, I assumed Kyle was in there, and I wanted him to know I was back early.

Boy, was I right.

_there’s nothing to do right now but try.  
there are a hundred people who would  
listen to you cry.  
and i get that they don’t get it.  
but they love you so much that  
you won’t regret it._

“Oh- um- Stan, what’re you doing home so early? You said you’d be back- back in an hour or two, that was barely forty-five minutes!”

But I was also so, so wrong.

I caught him with his red hands wrapped around Heidi Turner’s waist.

“What’re you doing?”

“...”

“What’s going on?”

“...”

“Kyle? Heidi?”

Their silence was deafening.

“Fuck.”

-

_you’re at the bottom, this is it._

I immediately moved in with Kenny and Butters, who were more than happy to host me after they heard the full story. I really didn’t want to be a burden on them, but they always did their best to assure me that I wasn’t an issue. Neither of them fully understood what I was going through, but I didn’t expect them to. It was so fucked.

_just get through, you will be fixed._

The extra time on my hands left me bored most of the time. It gave me the time to write more songs, at least. I was hesitant about recording and uploading them, though. Most of them were about Kyle, and I felt as though my YouTube audience didn’t need to know about that, at least not yet. I wasn’t going to start being a drama channel.

_and you think that i don’t get it._

I did have another idea, though: a cover. Lots of people did covers for no other reason than for the sake of doing it. Nobody would really question it if I chose a song that happened to be about heartbreak.

And so, a date for my friends and I to sing “Secret for the Mad” by Dodie Clark was set up. They agreed to do background vocals. Some of them did it to get more experience, some did it as a way to show support, and Craig did it because Tweek didn’t want to do it without him.

When the day rolled around, I still hadn’t spoken to Kyle or Heidi. They didn’t even bother trying to contact me. I didn’t mind.

_but i burned my way through, and  
i don’t regret it._

I set up the camera and sat in front of it. Kenny agreed to man the camera, Token played the piano and any other necessary instrument since, for some reason, he was good at most of them, and Wendy, Bebe, Tweek, Butters, Clyde and Craig helped with background vocals:

As I listened to Token play the piano and me sing, it felt as though I was transported into different memories. Of Kyle and I hanging out, feeling genuinely in love, and everything being okay. It felt as though my heart was being ripped by the seams.

Everything went by in a flash. I felt as though I was being swallowed by darkness, the blackness that was the meaning of what I was singing. Everything sucked ass.

_little things, all the stereotypes,  
they’re gonna help you get through  
this one night.  
and there will be a day when  
you can say you’re okay and mean it._

But, you know, I did have people. Even if I didn’t feel as though I had Kyle anymore, or, hell, Heidi, I had the ones around me. The ones who came to assist in this...production, I guess?

_i promise you:  
it’ll all make sense again.  
i promise you:  
it’ll all make sense again.  
i promise you:  
it’ll all make sense again.  
i promise you:  
it’ll all make sense again._

-

I’ve been living with Kenny and Butters for about two months. Kyle still hadn’t reached out, though I wasn’t complaining. All I knew was this - he was gonna have to contact me first if he wanted to even try to work things out. I was too tired for that.

The both of them were at work, so I was home alone. For the most part, I just spent my days watching TV and eating excessively. I was more of a parasite than a roommate at this point.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

I got up, opened it, and then practically combusted on the spot.

“...Kyle?”

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah...”


End file.
